The Paradox of The Void!


Emotions abound, whether positive or negative, within us. However, the extremity of any emotion is usually a state of blank awareness – a Paradox, when one is so full and so empty at the same time. Hence, The Void.


The Darkness closes in, surrounding all. A blanket of smothering, suffocating air. I know the way to the refrigerator; it is MY house, dammit! And yet… I feel the quiet thudding of my heart, as I creep along the staircase railing. Pray, it will help… Sing, maybe that will help… Count to ten, slowly… One, two, three, four, fi… Crash!!!


The wound is bleeding. I can feel the starkness of the pain shooting up my leg like lightning. I can feel the cracked rib in my chest… can’t breathe. My senses are aware of all I feel. Another stab of excruciating agony… it spreads, to my body, my mind. I can feel it, only It, consuming me. There are no sensations anymore, just the knowledge of Its existence…


I won! The referee raises my bruised arm to declare it. I can feel myself being carried through the crowd. Arms rain down on my back, a wide, silly smile on my face… I kiss the cup. I look around; see adoration in eyes that held only disdain before. My heart pounds in wondrous joy, in pride. I feel myself rising like a balloon into the sky…


I clutch the sheets in anticipation… There! Finally, after a magnificent crescendo, the climax brings nothing but a gasp to my mouth. I feel the shudders, the after-effects, my body reacting to the cold automatically. But my mind… it swirls around in glorious eddies, unaware of the world… I touch my Soul, my Spirit, feel it blossom within me in abandon… A singularity.


Enough! I scream, hoarse and piercing…! I feel my temper go beyond anything I’ve experienced before. It isn’t temper anymore; just a drive, a need… A blood-thirst to be quenched. I take the kitchen knife and drive it into him. One, twice, thrice; feel his life ebbing away, yet continue… I feel nothing, not even the drive anymore. Just an all-consuming compulsion…


My mind rests, at peace with the world and myself. I meditate, leaving thoughts of attachment and existence, of Self and Others far, far away. I am one with everything, yet feeling, sensing nothing. Not the sound of the birds, nor the spider on my neck, nor the squirrels dancing around in front of me. Not the smell of the forest growth, nor the taste of the sweet air… I am Aware, yet Unaware…


I can feel myself transforming. It must be energy of some kind. I rise, as smoke, from my erstwhile body. I feel lost… I feel unidentifiable. I dispel across everything, consume and produce everything. I am not Me anymore… I am it all… I am Them all… I? Not I… We? It? Them? The Everything? The Nothing? It all fades out of existence and into it…

About Arpita Gargesh

Arpita is a believer in potential - positive or negative, with her feet firmly rooted in Reality and her mind soaring in the Surreal... She aims at attaining true Balance, within and without. Writing is her expression of all she perceives; exploring her mind, her senses and her environment.

Check Also

Comparative movie reviews of two courtroom drama movies - Pink and Wrong Side Raju

Pink vs Wrong Side Raju: Comparative movie reviews

Last week I happened to watch two movies which can be loosely categorized as courtroom …

Leave a Reply